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16 April 2008

How do you deal with a clingy boyfriend?

So, one of my lovely readers, "q" recently emailed me and asked if I would write a mini series about how I handled the trials and tribulations of my recent youth. I seldom get reader requests and she wrote such a fabulous email that I did not feel I could deny her! So, for the next few days I will be writing to answer her questions, and any others that readers email me over the next couple of days...just keep in mind (1) I will do my best to stay somewhat anonymous (2) my mother, sister, mother-in-law, aunts, cousins and grandmother read this blog, so there are certain topics I will be avoiding!

"How do you deal with a clingy boyfriend?"
"Why you should not date older men in college"

I don't know that I've ever had a clingy boyfriend. I think I might have been a clingy girlfriend. My "boyfriend" at the time dealt with it by telling me that we were only dating and as such were open to see other people (don't do that).

It happened that a guy in one of my history classes asked me out on a date a few days later. I thought he was a nice guy, was so not attracted to him, but said yes to prove that I could date other people. I felt like the worst person in the entire universe five minutes later. Fortunately, the guy called and canceled an hour before our date because he had a flat tire and I was so relieved that I think I sounded kind of excited and happy that he had canceled. So, he never talked to me ever again, even though we sat next to each other in class.

A few days later my "boyfriend" broke up with me and I was pretty bitter about the whole thing for a long time. There was bad behavior on both ends, but I guess I was kind of awful about it because we dated like five years ago, and now we are both married and it is still really awkward when I run into him at alumni events, which is sad because he is actually a pretty nice guy and we have a lot of the same friends. I think our relationship is evidence that a 23 year old should never date a 19 year old, the maturity difference is way too big. Not to mention, it was a little creepy to be dragging "that guy who already graduated" (and has a chin strap beard) to undergrad keggers (BURN!).

So, in conclusion, I did not really answer the question. I suppose if pressed, I would say a clingy boyfriend is probably feeling a bit insecure. Try to reassure him of your commitment to him in subtle, ego boosting ways. If you really like him, it is probably also a good idea to be sensitive to his issues and avoid overtly flirting with other boys in front of him. In the end, clingy people are sometimes meant to mate with their own kind. Things might not work out because you are an independent woman, and he is not yet an independent man...this may change as he matures, or he may be clingy forever.

Image from themoviebinge


Anonymous said...

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.... and it was just like I guessed; humorous, honest, and incredibly lovely!

Thank you!!!!

flutterbyblue said...

Hmmm...see to me, a "clingy" boyfriend suggests it is a guy you are not so into, but is probably too into you. Of course, this could be due to insecurity, but it could also be a sign that you are not 100% compatible (I just know a couple of girls who have strung along poor, suffering boys because of this!)

Then again, if it is a matter of the guy being sensitive and insecure (or just less independent) then I would go with the Chic&Charming advice.