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25 March 2009

The Way of the Madge

Ah, Madonna. I rarely was allowed to listen to her music growing up, my parents did not approve. Yet, somehow, drunk and being chauffeured by my husband, I was able to sing every lyric to "Like a Virgin." This profoundly disturbed my friend, who we were giving a ride home, but to be honest she kind of deserved it.

Is it really so shocking? Honestly, how many among us don't know the words to Madonna's greatest hits by heart? Who doesn't like to spontaneously dance along to the delicious 1980s pop? Is there anything better to sing at karaoke? Perhaps those born in the 1990s are not yet initiated. To you, I say: go forth and buy the Immaculate Collection, consider it part of your education, something that must be fully appreciated before you can truly become a woman.

For every song on the album there is a profound life lesson, essential to your success:
  • Holiday: When things suck take a vacation.
  • Lucky Star: Being in the first throws of love makes everything suck a lot less.
  • Borderline: Boys play mind games too. Even cool girls sometimes stay in bad relationships, even when they know they shouldn't.
  • Like a Virgin: Even Madonna can reclaim her virginity? This pop ballad never sounded dirty to me until I watched Moulin Rouge.
  • Material Girl: Some girls only want boys to buy them things, BTW they've started a recession support group.
  • Crazy for You: This is the fantasy bar pick up situation, but you should know it usually only happens like this when both parties have on thick beer goggles.
  • Into the Groove: Dancing is awesome. Girls dig boys who can dance.
  • Live to Tell: "A man can tell a thousand lies."
  • Papa Don't Preach: Shit happens. Girls get knocked up.
  • Open Your Heart: You're not really a stalker, you're just trying to get him to open his heart...and you've got the Madonna song to prove it!
  • La Isla Bonita: San Pedro is sexy. Speaking Spanish is sexy. You should take Spanish in high school/college/adult education.
  • Like a Prayer: True love is a religious experience.
  • Express Yourself: Date a guy who treats you with respect.
  • Cherish: When you find a good guy let him know how great he is and appreciate him.
  • Vogue: This song is about Voguing, a type of modern dance. It is NOT about Vogue the magazine and not about primping in front of a mirror admiring how fabulous you are.
  • Justify My Love: Sometimes Madonna makes bad songs (not just bad movies).
  • Rescue Me: Having a strong and loving partner is wonderful when you are going through a rough time.
Image from Team Sugar
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